On Saturday I got a reply to my email inquiry about an audition class at my friends studio. She was interested - but wanted to wait until January. She also noted that she had no positions and had 3 people who wanted to teach.
This is a really popular studio with a big community of active students and teachers. I have always had mixed feelings about teaching here. It is the "best" studio in Madison. But for some reason I had concerns about my fit there.
1. I was concerned about not being good enough for the community 2. I did not want my auditioning and wanting to teach there to affect my relationship with the owner who I love and respect. It concerned me that she might have to tell me I was not ready. I am totally ok with being not ready - but I hated to put a friend through that process
I also felt like I want to take it slowly with the home studio. Like I really needed to cut my teeth outside of my home environment. I also had the sense that i wanted to learn a little more about the yoga community around Madison. I had been very singularly focused on this one studio.
One other thing I have been drawn to do is to plan a "Yoga for 12 Step Recovery" class to offer at the local 12 step clubhouse. I have been thinking about this often and have even started a plan. I feel drawn to help recovering people "get back in to their bodies" as Shams stated it. Shams had shared his experience doing some of this service work. I know it might not have the same appeal of a regular studio - but I cannot help but feel I want to take yoga to the streets.
Is this a standard feeling on becoming a teacher? I want to help save the world with yoga? Are others feeling this?
On December 6th I wrote that my intention going forth from here was "To help others seek spirit through body and breath." Perhaps I am just sinking my teeth in to that intention. Perhaps I am just being eager and Idealistic.
Whatever will come of this will certainly reveal itself to me. I think I am just going to go with it for a while. I have moved from thinking to feeling (even though there is a lot of thinking going on) - It is the feeling kind of thinking. I think (see what I mean!) that will allow myself to be idealistic instead of second guessing my way in to defeating my idealism because of my Thinking problem. Yes I said Thinking Problem. It is a lot like my drinking problem, only worse.
Rolf said over and over that when he came from a place of service that everyone think worked out. I seem to be feeling that and I want to hang on.
3 years ago